Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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