Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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