are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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