Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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