I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
