Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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