We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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