My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
