Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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