My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
