Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
