do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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