I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
