did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
