i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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