that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
