yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
