Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
