I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
