Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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