it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
