Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
