my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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