apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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