Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
