Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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