just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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