i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
