ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
