I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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