your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize