To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Two words: blizzard sex
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
