I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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