and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize