I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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