guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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