i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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