whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Let's get the cat blown out
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
