Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
