Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
