Plan B is the new Plan A
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
