so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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