Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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