well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
