I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
