I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
