1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
