my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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