When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
