it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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