it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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