You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize