3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
