Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
