Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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