oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
