apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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