So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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