I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
