Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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