Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Alive.
So much puke
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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