I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
