Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
