I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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