did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
