i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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