you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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