Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
