he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
