HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
