I looked at my own cervix.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
