I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im having a threesome with these popsicles
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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