No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
