just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
